Where I Stand

Here I sit in my new apartment with my new boyfriend: cable.  Cable and I have been together and broken up many times in my adult life.  I have to say though that cable is a great boyfriend.  You can turn it one whenever you want and make it go away when you don´t like it and it never gets mad at you or upset.  Usually though you do have to pay for it which makes the whole operation a little uncomfortable but my cable is of the best kind: FREE!

Fountain of Sorrow by Jackson Browne is playing.  I love this song.  It reminds me of Saturdays when I was a kid and my mom would be in the kitchen doing something or other and I´d be cleaning the entertainment center in the new living room since it was one of my chores.  I read somewhere that many of your memories are false.  Like they did a study and asked people where they were during some major event, say JFK´s assassination, and most people had these really clear recollections since it was certainly a defining moment.  But when the researchers checked up to verify the veracity of these suppositions, many of the memories couldn´t have been possible because places people remembered didn´t exist, other conditions they thought existed didn´t actually exist then, etc.  Even our own memories lie to us.  The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves, even when we don´t know we´re lying.

I love traveling.  Everything is ephemeral.  All I´m making now is memories and not building permanence.  I´ve traveled so much and I know when I travel the best thing for me to do is to just try and live every moment without a view to anything, to see it, to breathe it, to be part of it and to just relax memories of the past and not have thoughts to the future.  When you´re in your hometown or a place where you want to build a stable and lasting life, like how I was in LA, you are surrounded by your past or the future you want to build for yourself.  Here I don´t have those same restrictions.  I stand in now.  And it´s awesome.