There's one culture difference that seems to be confronting me and those I know rather frequently. It's not that I didn't anticipate cultural differences - usually I seem to enjoy them and find them rather comical as they point out how culture is all quite relative and just how diverse and interesting people can be. But this one major cultural difference that keeps confronting isn't something to write home about: sexual aggression and groping.
I've lamented how I've been groped four times in the three months I've been here. It's not that big a deal - it's more just annoying and takes away your sense of safety. But most of the female friends I know here have had the same thing happen to them, too: either groping or exposure to sights that should really remain unseen. I've never really experienced anything quite like this. At times I find the whole idea of groping outlandish and just so overtly ridiculous. I know things that are illicit are exciting for the sheer fact of being illicit: like it's exciting when you're a teenager to make out in a movie theater because it's something somewhat illicit but still accepted, but how exciting can groping really be to a person, especially considering that it's really a huge affront to another person? It almost seems like a cultural norm here. Usually illicit actions aren't normally things that annoy and disturb another human being. I get no sense of joy out of disturbing a perfect stranger. I'm wondering exactly why people do things like this.
Yea, I just googled, "why do people grope". Surprisingly, google, which is supposed to be omniscient, can't give me an adequate answer. The discussion board I read stated that girls should know better and the underlying idea seemed to be that females should expect to get groped when they go out to certain places which is of course total bullshit. Whatever a girl (or if it's a guy that gets groped or is exposed to something he doesn't want to see. I'm just going to stick with the pronouns she/ her for simplicity's sake) does, it's never her fault if she's groped or someone exposes himself to her unless she literally picks up his hand and puts it on her. Some people opined on the message board that it's a dominance thing and I'd agree to that more than the "because we're guys" justification. Even wikipedia was a lost cause, focusing mostly on rape (which definitely needs to be focused on) but not anything else really.
I've heard before and seen a few ideas about sexual aggression being related to dominance and not lust or desire per se. But then why is it so prevalent here? In Guatemala, why are men needing to dominate? If anything, they have the more dominant position socially here, at least in first appearance. Do they feel they need to re-assert their dominance in this manner? Or is it because women here are more protected and sheltered so males feel they need to assert themselves more? Or is it because most women are so out of reach here - socially you're either chaste as a woman (a virgin) or you're loose (a whore) (am I oversimplifying? probably...binaries are so easily to fall into) and since most women are more of the former then acts of sexual aggression would be an outlet of dominance, yes? Ok, hypothetically I'm a man but I can't have most of the woman I want and can't really even flirt with them or show myself to them in a sexually healthy manner so a way that I seek dominance is to illicitly touch them or expose myself to them in a sexually unhealthy way so I feel appeased and like I've regained my "masculinity"? Not buying it completely...This topic is actually really difficult and annoying to think about. All I really want is to never get groped again and for it to never happen to my friends. But that's not a possibility either.
Why am I even trying to understand this in the first place? So many strange and difficult things happen to everyone in life - sometimes we get angry or sad or have other ways of coping with things. I try to understand things because I feel that when you understand something you can deal with it in a lot healthier manner. What you understand doesn't bother you as much. But I really don't understand this. I've lived for about two months or more in the following cities: New York, Paris, LA, Madrid, Wulingyuan (ok fine not really a city) in China, Washington DC, San Diego, Santa Cruz, Berkeley, and my hometown: small town Jersey. I've traveled a bit, too, and the only other time I was groped was in LA by a latino teenager on his bike. I was also in a semi-bad neighborhood (woohoo there were approximately four gang-related shootings in my block alone then!). But never anywhere else. And here there are so many stories of this kind of thing.
I don't think men should ever put their hands on females in any manner unless it's invited. Not because of any real moral issue but mostly because it's not a fair fight. I've playfully wrestled with guy friends and generally men are stronger than females. Like even a guy my height and thirty pounds less than me could still kick my ass. My upper arm strength - negligible. Let's not get started on my (lack of) coordination. I always side with the underdog (Rudy! Rudy!) in a fight but some fights should just never even be contemplated.
I'm going to go with my latest best guess and say that groping or sexual exposure is a form of dominance and assertion. The perpetrator, whether it be male or female, does it so as to feel in control and like s/he is doing something that puts them at a higher level to the person they are groping/ exposing themself to. And this makes them feel good at some primitive level. The satisfaction they get is from the dominance and from being able to control that environment as the aggressor while the other person is not even asked permission. I still don't feel like I completely understand this and I'm oversimplifying. I'm sure there are other factors involved, like socioeconomics, self-esteem and insecurity issues, permissive norms within a gender social group...yada yada yada.
No comments:
Post a Comment